A Letter to My Newly Diagnosed Self

July 20, 2018

My Dearest Friend,


I see you’ve been handed a few diagnoses, some medications, and quick lecture.  You've been left with a lot of questions and months before you can see your first specialist.  It's pretty obvious this whole waiting for some answers thing is really weighing on you.


Can I be a little bold and say I think we need to talk?

You’ve sat on the couch in a lifeless slump, trying to hide confusion and anger under your cozy heated blanket.  You’ve rehashed everything you’ve ever done and sifted through your entire health history, wondering where you went wrong and when your body started to break down.


But that got you a whole lot of nowhere.


You can’t do a damn thing about the past and it’s not worth wasting any more of your energy.  That precious resource needs to be put towards something worthwhile.   You can sit here miserable for months or you can slowly pick yourself up off the ground, battle scars and all, and refuse to let this heavy mess hold you back.


You, my friend, have a choice in how you live out this very moment.  You are but one person, but the waves you create in this world can have a ripple effect in the lives of others.  Hell, today you can be an absolute radiant light within your kid’s world.  YOU can bring joy to their day and make them feel amazing and loved.  That’s what you can do right now.  Those kids deserve the world and damn, I know you want to give it to them!


I know you firmly believe we are all capable of being warriors.  It’s not like you haven’t faced challenges before.  And guess what?  You’re still here, standing strong.  So in this time of unknowns, when faced with deep uncertainty and dark fear, can you rest assured knowing you are capable, strong, and know how to be resilient?


I’m not here to sugarcoat this process. 


I do think you’re going to face some shit.  It’s not always going to be easy and many times it may be flat-out devastating.  But what comes out on the other side of that chaotic mess is golden and will take you to a place that you never thought possible. 


After completing your first marathon you boasted that you acquired a "Marathon Mindset.”  At the ripe old age of 20 you were convinced that nothing in life would ever feel as awful as the physical pain your overweight, poorly trained body felt at mile 19.  Well, an ultramarathon, adventures taking on mountains, 73 half marathons ran while pregnant, and 2 unmedicated pregnancies later, I’m pretty sure you’ve take that Marathon Mindset to the next level.

So, my question for you is,

Do you really have a Marathon Mindset?  


What did you tell yourself that pulled you through those other uncomfortable times?  Could you maybe work to tell yourself that right now?  I bet you could shift your focus during this time of uncertainty and instead draw from all the amazing experiences in your life where you pushed through.


Whether you’re wait for answers is a day, weeks, months, or years, 

I believe it’s irrelevant because YOU ARE A BADASS.


Moments where you let the deep, dark shadows of self-doubt overcome your light, cling to the fact that you are strong, capable, and know how.  You’ve had this written on your bathroom mirror for years and no diagnosis will ever be able to take this away from you.

All that’s left to do now is to see yourself through each unclear twist and turn throughout your healing journey.   You can light up this world, wearing your diagnoses as a badge of honor instead of a ball and chain.


With Love,


Your Most Resilient Self



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