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Two Ways to Boost Your Confidence When Overcoming a Challenge

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When facing a challenge we need all the confidence we can get!

Try these two tips to save yourself time and energy.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I am living life a day at a time. Lately, life keeps handing me one challenge after another! I’m talking military reassignment cycles, personal health diagnoses, family members facing cancer, those I love the most hospitalized with COVID-19, and of course, pandemic isolation.


While I could go down the rabbit hole of sharing my struggles, what’s more important to share is that despite it all, I truly feel stronger than ever. I firmly believe in my ability to confidently stand tall as a pillar of strength and hope.


How is it possible to confidently keep placing one foot in front of the other when life keeps sending obstacles our way?



How is it possible I can so firmly believe that we are all fully capable of overcoming any challenge life brings our way? (So much, that I wrote a book about it?!)


I’ll be honest. I have spent years working on my mental framework. While it doesn’t hurt that my day job is helping leaders implement solutions to our most challenging wellness problems, I certainly did not become “a leader” or strong and resilient overnight! I’m a mom, wife, sister, friend, employee, and daughter. I know how it feels to be discouraged, sad, frustrated, and like every last bit of energy has been sucked out of me. I know how incredibly dark it can be when we are facing life's most difficult moments.


My hope is that by sharing these two ways we can boost confidence when we are facing a challenge, I can save you the time and energy it took me to figure them out. Also, given the stage of life I'm in right now, I need write about it to hold myself accountable to practicing what I preach!


Give these two tips a try and you will see just how incredibly strong and capable YOU are!

TIP #1 Feel all the feels (but place a timer on it)

I recognize this may seem like the opposite of being confident. However, this is where the magic happens! Giving ourselves the necessary time and space to process the raw emotions that come along with facing a challenge results in our ability to begin to take small, proactive steps in the right direction.



For myself, “feeling all the feels” takes various forms. Here are a few examples of how I put this concept into action.


Sometimes I intentionally cry in front of my kids. While my initial reaction is to want to cry behind closed doors, I actually force myself to show my kids this imperfect side of me. I then sit down with them and share why I am sad or upset. After all, I want to lead by example and demonstrate it’s healthy to openly discuss and process our emotions. I want my kiddos to know life is a perfectly imperfect journey and it’s ok to ask others for support or a hug when needed.


Other times, “feeling all the feels” is admitting to myself that I am feeling discouraged, down, or unmotivated. Simply naming our emotions can take away their grip-like hold on us. Then, we can name how we want to feel instead, such as “vibrant, happy, and healthy,” and do one small thing that makes us feel that way. Here is an article where I discuss this process further.


Finally, during extra challenging phases of life, I may need to give myself space to feel down for a few days. However, in this case, I also set a deadline on the amount of time I will mourn, kick, cry, and scream. I’ve found it helpful to set a reminder in my phone. For the past two years every day at 11AM my phone reminds me, “You create your day!! Make it loving, impactful.” I chose this go-to phrase because when my pity party is lasting a little too long, it helps put life into perceptive to remember that everyone else is facing pain and self-doubt too. Then, when I am ready, I can choose to set an example for my loved ones who are hurting. By picking myself up and taking one small step in the right direction I can be the change I wish to see in others. (This also compliments Tip #2.)


The Bottom-Line Is: While we are all perfectly capable of confidently overcoming any challenge life brings our way, “feeling all the feels” is an essential first step.

TIP #2 Remember: Our struggles unite us.

If there is one thing I have learned about writing a book about facing life’s most difficult moments, it’s that I will never again doubt that someone out there needs to hear exactly what’s on my heart.



When I write vulnerable @TeamValentineProject social media posts I sometimes question, “Who really wants to hear the ups and downs of my story?” Then, I remember that it’s not about me. It’s about the people whose lives I can positively impact by showing up and sharing my struggles. While we are all going through own our crappy times, our struggles can unite us! For example, sharing obstacles within my career journey as a military spouse in a recent interview was incredible! Despite dark days, it reminded me that I am not alone.


The feedback I’ve received from my book about overcoming challenges has been nothing short of incredible! When readers share they are using the book's framework to overcome anxiety, take on business goals, train for a race, etc. it makes openly sharing about my struggles in the book one of the most rewarding experiences of my life!


It’s reassuring to know others out there are facing dark times too, and somehow, someway we all make it through to the other side.


I believe this experience is possible for all us. Maybe we start by sharing with one close friend or by looking for a support group specific to our challenge. Maybe we start by simply writing in a journal. However, as someone who went from journaling every day of my life from 6th grade through sophomore year of college, I can share that taking the conversation off of the paper and into real life has resulted in my ability to become a stronger, more resilient version of myself I didn't think was possible. So start by talking to yourself, but do consider talking to someone else. And know, when you find that special someone or a small tribe of awesome people willing to share in the ups and the downs of your journey, it’s a pretty amazing place to be!



Here are the benefits I’ve seen from remembering, “Our struggles unite us”:

  • Sharing our struggles helps us identify the people we can rely on to remind us of our greatness, especially when we are having trouble seeing the greatness within ourselves.

  • Sharing our struggles helps us process our emotions and identify the next step in the right direction.

  • Sharing our struggles and our next steps holds us accountable to breaking through our challenges, especially if we know our challenge will inevitably have more dark times ahead.

  • It up to us: We can share with one person or the world.

  • If we’re not quite ready to share, we can journal or draft a quick social media post that we never actually post.

One final word of caution: Your go-to share buddy should not be of the “misery loves company” crowd. If you find sharing with a certain someone makes you feel worse and/or they are continuously focusing on the negative within your situation, find someone else. You have most likely spent enough time focusing on how crummy you feel and how terrible your situation is. You are strong and you are capable. Your share buddy should be someone who knows and reminds you of this, especially when you are facing life’s most difficult moments.


The Bottom-Line Is: When life brings a challenge our way, we can boost our confidence by:


1. Feeling all the feels (but setting a timer on it)

2. Remembering: Our struggles unite us.


Wherever your journey takes you, I wish you much confidence along the way! If you are looking for additional ways to overcome your obstacles with confidence and ease, you’ll love our new best-selling book, The Art of Breaking Through: Five Simple Steps to Take on Any Challenge & Tackle Self-Doubt. Learn more here.

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©2018 by Team Valentine Project.


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